Adam

I want you to settle in, grab a coffee or start your nightly routines. I’m going to introduce you to Adam. Just to be clear, Adam is not based on a person nor is he a person. He is a concept in my mind but, addressing him as a person will make it easier for you to understand.

Now I’ve lived with Adam for the majority of my life. He’s been with me during the pivotal moments of my life. He was there when I broke my collarbone; he told me that maybe karate isn’t for me (I ignored him and sprained my ankle two times after that – sorry Adam, I had to learn it the hard way). He was my cheerleader during all my late nights at University. He was there during all my times I felt like I wasn’t good enough. I don’t remember how I met him. His charming self appeared one day, and before I knew it, I swooned into a long term relationship that I never signed up for. I’ve grown to love him but there are moments when I wish that door had a lock.

One of Adam’s major downfalls is that he has a habit of fabricating problems when things seem to be going well. It’s probably one of his worst traits. He’s cocky that way because he thrives in the spotlight; he will do everything and anything to get it. He will make sure that everyone in the room gives him the undivided attention that he doesn’t deserve. I hated him for that. He took away the one thing I didn’t want, attention, but knew that I desperately needed it.

So, I’m going to share some of the moments I’ve had with him. You can decide whether or not he’s a keeper.

Adam likes to pop up during my long car rides and provide hypothetical what-ifs that I almost want to be real.

He pops up mid-conversation with my friends and tells me it’s time to go home because I have an early morning.

He pushes me to be defensive for no reason because he doesn’t like anyone else knowing my secrets, but him.

He tells me to smile because he knows people will start asking questions otherwise.

He reassures me that 5 hours of sleep is normal.

He’s great at coming up with excuses; ones that are so damn believable that even I start to fall for.

He smirks and piles food on my plate knowing very well it’s about to topple.

He fights me on every single thing; he’s there when I need him but can show up uninvited. He’s temperamental and speaks out for me when I don’t have the words to. We’ve always had issues with our communication. It’s because he is quite stubborn and won’t listen to me. I will beg and plead him just to drop it, but he rarely does.

He tells me that running solves everything.

Sounds like a pretty toxic relationship right? Don’t worry, there’s a reason why I keep him around. You’ll see.

One thing that I love about him is that he forces me to speak my mind when things are unreasonable. He teaches me to advocate for myself and stand behind what I’m passionate about, regardless of what other people think.

He talks me through tough decisions and assures me that he will be satisfied with either choice that I make.

He tells me to dive headfirst because even the worst-case scenarios are not the end of the world.

He tells me that making other people happy should be a priority. But sometimes I need to be selfish.

He tells me that as long as I put 100% into everything, that should be enough. Never expect anything in return.

On the days that I’m banging my fists against the wall and screaming into my pillow, he tells me to try again tomorrow.

He tells me that it’s okay when I am certain they aren’t. He tells me that breaks are a good thing. Self-care is important.

See, he’s not that bad, right? You would want to keep him around?

We all have Adams in our lives and whoever this hypothetical being is to you, make sure he doesn’t run the show. Here’s the beauty about show business, yes, he may be the star but you’re the backstage crew. Without you, his show won’t go on. The lighting, curtain calls and music help to amplify his performance. Without all of that, he’s just a voice. And your voice will always be louder. Remember that it’s your world and he’s just living in it.

Thanks, Adam. For everything.

One thought on “Adam

  1. Adam reminds me of my ego? He’s the neurotic, conscientious, lazy, stubborn, noble, self-assured, assuring, superior, non-stop chatterbox in my mind. Is mental compromise with oneself the ultimate name of the game?

    Like

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